Emotional Eating: Both Sides of the Coin
I’m going to come right out and say it: Sometimes, emotional eating gets a bad rap.
Emotions are an inherent part of life. Some of us (*ahem* me) are more emotional than the average person, but we all experience emotions...and we all experience all emotions at some point or another. At times, we can feel ruled by our emotions. At others, we can seem like we are void of emotion altogether. Regardless, learning how to read our own emotions, understand what they are trying to tell us, and then choosing our response (versus simply reacting) is a powerful way to both acknowledge and address our emotional lives. Of course, this is far easier said than done.
Emotional eating is a common problem. If you suffer from it, please know that you are far from alone. Usually when we eat emotionally, we are attempting to numb ourselves from something unpleasant that is happening elsewhere in our lives. There are all kinds of ways we numb our discomfort, food only being one common example; others include drinking, drugs, excessive TV or social media, gossip, and so on. Even supposedly healthy behaviors (like exercise) can be used to numb if done to avoid negative feelings.
Numbing is, in essence, hiding out. You can’t hide forever, and even if you try, you’re likely to miss out on a lot of good as well as bad. As Brene Brown states in her book, The Gift of Imperfections,
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
So why on earth would I be in favor of emotional eating? Wouldn’t it be better to simply eliminate this “bad” habit?
Sure...if you’re an android.
Seriously though. Humans eat for pleasure. Eating for fuel comes first (because survival), but pleasure isn’t a distant second - it’s a close second. Refusing our own pleasure from food almost always backfires; after all, isn’t that what usually happens after a strict diet? We restrict until we can’t anymore, then binge and repeat.
This doesn’t mean we should eat all. the. things. every time we are emotional, but it does mean we should:
Accept our humanity, cut ourselves some slack, and embrace #progressnotperfection
Learn how to read and address our own emotional highs and lows through practices like journaling, meditation, therapy, time in nature, etc.
Develop mindful practices around our eating habits, including our emotional eating
I know, I know - all of these things are so hard to do! So much work! So much time! I totally, 100% get it, and if I thought giving you a pat answer would help you achieve long-term, sustainable results to live your absolute best life...well, I would. That sure sounds like it would be easy for all of us.
But it doesn’t work. What DOES work is investing in learning what works best for you, using these tools and practices to help you do so. That path is, by nature, individual. No one can dictate it for you (although I would love to guide you through your process via one-on-one coaching). The results are worth it a million times over for the freedom, empowerment, and ease it ultimately provides. I promise. :)
So what do you do the next time you want to eat emotionally?
Acknowledge how you feel, without judging it or trying to change it. Spend at least a little bit of time just letting your feelings rise to the surface. Depending on what’s going on and what works best for you, this may be a good cry, yelling into a pillow, punching a heavy bag or doing some ball slams, stream-of-consciousness or guided journaling, meditation, going on a hike or sitting by natural water, or listen to ambient music. This time can be as short as a couple minutes or as long as you need it.
Ask yourself, why do I want to eat this? How will I feel afterward? Will this provide me with genuine food pleasure (i.e., I truly love and crave this particular food)? Will it cause any digestive issues or other reactions? There are no “shoulds” or “should nots” here. This should only take a minute or two, tops.
Enjoy your food of choice...emotionally. ;)
This practice empowers us to make choices. We create enough distance from our eating habits that it is no longer a knee-jerk reaction but a thoughtful choice, but nothing is ever off-limits. You are not off track, because there was no track to begin with. You did not “cheat,” and the calories do not need to be burned off. At the same time, you probably didn’t go on an all-out binge, either. Truth is, if you take the time for steps 1 and 2 on a consistent basis, you will often not even need to get to step 3...and the times that you do emotionally eat, that decision was made consciously and mindfully. I’d even put money down on the fact that you’ll feel far more satisfied from those “indulgences” - both emotionally and from a cravings standpoint - because you fully addressed it.
At the end of the day, it isn’t the emotional eating per se that is “bad” or “good” - it is all about how and if we are dealing with our emotions. Numbing through food will only bring those same emotions back again later, because they weren’t resolved, simply covered up. Mindful eating, including mindful emotional eating, can do the exact opposite by emphasizing the need to process our emotions while also recognizing that we are human and, quite understandably, we want to feel pleasure when we’re down.
What are your experiences with emotional eating? Do you find that it ever helps you process your feelings? Do you use it only to numb from painful emotions? Comment below, or feel free to send me a private message to tell me about your personal experiences.